This is a message to all prospective candy givers, please do not give out the candy below. If you do you will accrue a very large amount of enemies. Your house will not be safe from eggs and or toilet paper rolls.
- Candy Corn: If I went to someone’s house and they gave only candy corn I would legitimately wonder if this a cry for help. I would be concerned for their safety. Please if you go to someone’s house and give only candy corn, talk to them. Please try to help them out of the situation they are in.
- Good and Plenty: Why. You are already giving out licorice. There are many choices you could make and yet you managed to make the worst one. Reconsider and please look inward upon yourself.
- Apples: An Apple fell out of the tree and thus Newton learned about gravity. I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation. There are 364-365 days to eat healthy. Please, do better.
- Trail mix: Trail mix is supposed to help you walk. Thus, if you hand me a trail mix on Halloween I will walk out of your life.
Raisinetes: If trail mix wasn’t making it in what chance did Raisinetes have? Seriously, no one wants raisins on Halloween, and covering them in chocolate is a waste of resources.
- Milk Duds: It is no wonder that milk duds are named what they are. Because in no world should these have ever made it past the proposal meeting. Please help your community out by not bringing these duds in.
- Circus Peanuts: When I looked up Circus peanuts to get a picture for reference, I had to make sure I did not accidentally look up packing peanuts. Thus I ask for you to deliver yourself to authorities for your imminent arrest.
If you find yourself ever in the state of mind where you believe these seven candies are the best items to give out on Halloween, please seek help. I can confidently say that 99.9% of people who read this article deserve so much better in their life. Trick-or-treaters, will not accept this negativity. You have been warned.
